I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
