just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
