I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
