Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
