So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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