I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
And then he peed in my hair
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