even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
