Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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