I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
