Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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