okay pat passed out under dana's car
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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