i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
