nut hugger
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
