All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
