Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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