I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's never too late to be topless.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
