Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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