I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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