ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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