That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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