im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We have started to decorate penises.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
