i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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