so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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