Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
