Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
