Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
