Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
