Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
