Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
