NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
