just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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