In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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