My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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