did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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