I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
