I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
