Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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