So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
