I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
