He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
