I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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