It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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