1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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