why do cheetos always look like penises
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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