I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
