I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
