u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
