one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
