when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
