I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
