dude i'm inner monologue high
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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